There are rare moments in which the window of time opens and we are able to see dimly a bit of the larger timeline of one life. Today, while preparing my oldest son's high school transcript, I inadvertently stumbled upon my own blog from 2009 which spoke of the start of a new school year for my then 1st and 4th graders.
2009... we had sold our house and were living in a rental house, waiting to see where God would send us. And yet, things seemed so normal in our back-to-school moment. Sometimes, I just miss that normal. There were read-alouds and fun snacks, there was a whole room dedicated to school and there were pool runs and air-conditioning. The comforts of the US surrounded us. Sometimes, I just miss those comforts.
2017... we have one more year with our Senior, Aidan. His education has been broader than we ever imagined when we chose to homeschool 10 years ago. His heart has been broken by the injustices of our world, his character has been formed in a hot place with very little respite. He has missed out on prom, homecoming, texting and Snapchat. He has had a myriad of beautiful opportunities and some deeply disturbing ones.
Our little ones have grown up as world citizens - with the good and the bad. They have lived in a remote place where discussions of evil and its consequences pepper our days. They speak 2 languages fluently and, cautiously, speak a 3rd.
When I read that old blog, I ask, 'who was the woman who wrote that?' She seems so superficial and she sure THINKS she is busy. I don't remember that woman but, she is me. I wish I could talk to her and tell her of what was to be... I wish I could warn her about what 'survival busy' really looks like... I wish I could tell her to squeeze her babies tight and guard those memories close and the ride was just beginning...
When I read that old blog, I connect yesterday with today. The threads of a very unique life come together and form someone who can love God and love her neighbor over the entire timeline of a life. However imperfect, however painful and with great loss and gain ... I will finish my days with the same desire.