Mommying and Mommies

There is this one day each year when I gather up my thoughts on mothers and mothering and try to tie them in neat little bundles.   Most years, my efforts stink.

Mother's Day.

I love being  a mommy.

And yet, isn't it the largest challenge of a woman's life?

My Mother's Day thoughts include many others... my mom, my mother-in-law, my grandmothers, my sister, my friends... but there are these 3 other people who I will not forget on a day that honors life-givers;    3 mothers who chose to give life to 3 little people who dance around my house... Adam's first mom, Aaron's first mom and Cumi Joy's first mom.

I love these women.    I really do.  After everything.

Last night, I had a rare conversation with Adam.   We sat in the pitch black of our porch and stared at the beautiful moon and cloud formation.   He marveled at God's creation and dreamed of a magic ladder to take him to visit God.

In the dark, I felt safe to ask him this...  'If you could ask me any question, what would you ask?"

Expecting to hear a question about ninjas, dragons or zombies, I was shocked when my almost 7 year old asked me to tell him 'about my 'doption.'   (adoption)    Not wanting to give more information than he was asking for, I tried to clarify.   He wanted to know it 'all' and start from the beginning.

Well.

I tell ya.  Alex and I have wondered about how this question would come up and what we would say.  We never expected it to be at this age...

The conversation was beautiful. 

Somewhere in the middle, something clicked for him and he asked me, 'did I have another name before I met you?'

This topic has been a sore one for me.  If I could reverse the hands of time, I would reconsider giving our little boys two different names than their first moms gave.    Couldn't I have honored these women and their choices better by doing this one thing... preserving the name they gave?

With Cumi Joy, we are determined to keep her name and to honor the fact that it was given with love and special meaning.

With our boys, we wanted them to have the 'A' names that our other children had.  It wasn't a bad thing, just short-sighted.

As my time with Adam came to an end, I asked him this... "does our talk make you feel sad inside or happy?"    He crawled up in my lap and said ... 'I feel happy."

As do I, Adam.    As do I.