Baby Girl is doing so much better...  we are thrilled.   She returned to the House of Hope today with medicine for worms and took about an ounce of bottle and rode around in a baby sling while I worked on unloading boxes.

There is something in all of this experience with Baby Girl Y that reminds me of my limitations.   My heart wanted to spend every minute at the hospital loving on her and taking care of her;  and yet, at home I have 5 other children (Arnie - mentioned in an earlier post lives with us, too) who need my arms.   Keeping a home running requires much more of me than in the States.  Sometimes, dishes take an hour and a half to finish and dinner takes at least that long.   Alex is certainly capable and handles much of a typical 'woman's job', but is it fair to ask him to do it all, even for a few days?

So, I brought myself home and thanked God for my kids and the moments with Baby Girl.   Then yesterday, I had the feeling we needed to bring her home with us.  We both want to, but we have other hearts to protect here... those of our children.   Our big people hearts have been broken before - being foster parents is not a task that leaves the heart protected.    But, our children.

We wait to see where the Lord leads as we hold her close in our prayers and make sure she has a voice and gets the care she needs.    And, we wait to see if her biological family comes back to get her and what their ability is to care for her. 

There are others, too, that we would love to have forever.   And yet, adoption is close to impossible here.  We would have to be content with raising children here that were not 'legally' ours.  This is fine for us, IF and ONLY IF God asks for us to do it.  With Arnie, it is a natural fit.  With several others it could be, we just want to know for sure.

Does any of this rambling make sense?   Maybe, you think I'm crazy for even considering more children.   Maybe, you think I'm crazy for not bringing Baby Girl home last night.   Maybe, I am a bit of both.  But now you know my heart on this, or at least a piece of it.   There is much more to this story and many more things on our minds.

For now, we will do what we can with the arms God has given us. 


Holly (me.) said…
Arnol is right where he belongs, and it would honestly be more of a surprise if others did not follow. The beauty of being freed from all that red tape is in the freedom to love, but it also means accepting few assurances. Whatever the end result, why not throw your arms and heart open wide? Sometimes protecting our children from loss and sorrow means we sacrifice the opportunities to teach them how to grieve well. Love you!
Cynda said…
Sooooo, I've been wondering and not wanting to ask, buuut....Will Arnie be able to visit the states with you when you come for a visit? It would be great to meet this addition to your family.

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