The Call ...

When God stirs hearts and calls them to live more fully toward His purpose, does He do so with a bang! or with a tender hand, shepherding? Up until 2009, He has gently led me through painful storms with the promise of a new day on the other side. Today, I feel his leading with an ouch! a bang! and with me hollering "I'm not ready for that, God!"

This all probably sounds cryptic; for that, I apologize. The initial call to this new thing to which I've alluded was between God and my husband back in January. No doubt, it was dramatic, unexpected and somewhat frightening for him and, therefore, me. As we've slowly walked forward, we felt this call to be several years away... how comforting; a time of planning, preparation, discussion, all of it. And maybe it still is that far away.

However, these last days at my husband's job have proven to be days of absolute fire for him. Never before has he experienced anything similar with which to compare. I wish I could say I'm speechless. Unfortunately, I'm rarely speechless. We've both wondered aloud if God might be pushing us along on this timeline that we created. Is it time to take giant steps forward?

There is a funny thing about us humans. We can talk and talk about 'wanting to do something big', how 'God has called us to something larger than we can accomplish alone' and 'someday, I'm going to do X.' When the rubber meets the road and God's hand is there saying 'Walk with Me' we pull back and say, 'Uh, no thanks, that's not what I had in mind.' I feel myself doing this very thing.

Yet yesterday as I spoke to a very good friend, she told me about the specific plans that she believes God laid on her heart to help us prepare for our call. Her heart is afire with the things of God, she is a professional with great integrity and influence, and she knows us, loves us and wants to play a large part of this God-thing in our family. How can I stand and shake my head 'no' when He is so obviously preparing others to participate in this with us?

Humbling. And yet even humility is an understatement for this.

I wish I could sit down with each of you and dig through the 'stuff' of life in a much deeper manner. The drawbacks of blogging are many, but the largest drawback is the one-sided nature of my writing. It is not a dialogue between you and me... it is more like my long-winded monologue with a few audience comments. Maybe I should try instant messaging or texting??

I am praying for you right now... God knows who you are, even if I don't. I ask our Father that we be woven together, that we might somehow 'know' one another in a more meaningful way and that He guide all of our days with His unmistakable voice. For the cause of Christ, I pray. Amen.


Amy said…
Wow! You will never know how much your entry just spoke to me. I have been reading, planning, changing my mind back and fourth, and doubting all my decision to homeschool. I have never struggled with a decision like this one in my entire life. I don't have the time or room to write all about it here, but to make a long story short, here goes.

I learned of my son's life-threatening food allergies when he turned one year old. He is now six. I have spent the last five years going back and fourth about wether or not to homeschool to keep him safe. I actually let him attend kindergarten this school year. He has had a great experience, though I am not 100% comfortable with next year being that it is all day and he would have to eat lunch at school. With that being said,I have come to realize that my dilemma is part of something much bigger!

I am convinced that homeschooling my children has become my calling. I feel this incredible tug like I have never felt before, yet I am scared to death! As soon as I get deep into planning for next year, for instance, I start having this crazy anxiety. I literally have to step away.

I am a big believer that God is always speaking to us, we just have to be "paying attention." I am certain that your blog entry is one of His attempts to get me to listen. Thank you for listening to Him and taking the time to write this. It is just what I needed tonight.

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